How do you determine what is right and what is wrong?
Are there some set of rules that I am to follow in order to live a morally good life? The things that I’ve done wrong, are they forgiveable? Are they things that can be let go of? This has been on my mind big time lately. My body has been growing weak and tired from all that I carry with me. It’s time to let it go.
I know that you probably think I can’t have done anything too wrong, but sadly that’s not the case. Sadly, the hurt that I’ve caused, the broken relationships I caused, and the family that will never be fully mended, all because of me. Or at least it feels that way. I can only apologize for my role, and for what I did, but I can’t be responsible for what others did, or how they reacted.
At what point can you forgive yourself for your past mistakes?
Mistakes that you would never make now. And though you don’t always recognize the person who made them in the past, you must live with knowing it was in fact you. How do you do this?
I think acceptance is a huge part. Acceptance of past mistakes, past hurts, past everything. Though we grow and we change, we can’t go back and change the past. We can’t do anything about what we’ve done, besides make the choices we have in front of us and not allow the same hurt to happen.
I’ve lived with the guilt for far too long, and now it’s time to face the music.
Now it’s time to own up to it, and let myself live freely finally. Though the entire situation is one that breaks hearts and draws tears from even the strongest one, I can only own up to my part in it, and that’s the lesson I’m learning. I’m only responsible for my part in my past, and not for entire situations. I was not, and am not responsible for other people, even if they are as a result of my actions or words. I am still not responsible for them.
I choose now, today, to forgive myself.
I choose to allow myself to live without guilt as of today, and forgive myself for what I’ve done. I make a vow to myself to no longer hate myself because of my past mistakes. I did the best I knew how to do at that time. It’s easy to look back and judge. I’m older, smarter, and wiser. As a young adult, wisdom was something I was still yearning for. Today I choose to allow myself the freedom to explore thoughts without heartbreak, and without judgement of myself.
Today, I choose me. We have all made mistakes, and maybe even some we aren’t proud of. But, despite this, we still need to practice acceptance of our past and allow ourselves the grace to move on.
That’s what I’m doing today. I’m choosing me. Past, present, and future. I choose to love myself, and practice less judgement.