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Life with N,  Sex, Love, and Everything Else

Homophobic Home

Trigger Warning

This post contains a theme of homophobia (NOT FROM ME) and may upset some readers)

I grew up in a very loving environment.

I had a wonderful childhood, minus the crippling anxieties that constantly haunted me. My family was/is incredible.

Without even realising it, I grew up in a homophobic environment.

Being a little girl, I remember being taught that boys simply couldn`t like the colour pink. If they did, it meant they were gay. Though I didn`t know what gay meant, I knew it was not allowed in my family. I knew it was completely frowned upon.

Fast forward many years, and I remember bringing my boy into the world and being so worried.

During my pregnancy, I spent many hours wondering how I was going teach my son when I really didn`t even understand it myself. As I grew more in love with my son, I knew that no matter how he chose to live his life, all that mattered was that he was happy, and healthy.

I thought back then, and I am not proud to admit this, but, he couldn`t wear pinks, or purples. I thought that it was bad, and people would automatically assume he was gay, and then that would be shameful in my family.

I know. I read it again too.

And again.

It might be hard to understand the thinking behind this if you didn`t grow up this way. I never meant to be homophobic. I also never meant to have negative connotations surrounding the LGBTQ (I hope I have this right) community. It`s hard to be different than what you were raised at home.

Maybe the simplicity of this is what makes it so incredibly dangerous.

What opened my eyes was having my own boy.

I now strive to spread kindness.

It`s not my job to judge or decide anything for other people, but it IS my job to educate my children to help shape them to become good and kind people.

It was not something that could be talked about in my home, and while I`m not gay, or whatever the politically correct way of saying it is, I had questions and thoughts. There were things that simply did not make sense to me.

Becoming a mother to my son helped me to see it from a different perspective.

I think a lot of people are ignorant to this, and to the community, but also, maybe a lot of people haven`t been given an opportunity to understand.

I started picturing my sons future and I wrote out many different stories in my mind, and no matter how I wrote his stories, one thing always remained the same. My love for him.

All that mattered when I looked into the future was that he was leading a happy and full life. His sexuality was never a part of it.

I`m not trying to say sexuality doesn`t matter, nor gender. I`m simply saying that I wanted him to be able to exist in a world where he could live openly and freely.

However that looked, was totally okay.

I want to raise my children to know their happiness is 1st priority. We all have a right to love, and to be and feel loved. We all have a right to live openly, freely, and safely.

I really hope I haven`t offended anyone with my story. What was your experiences growing up with this?

Love Always, N

p.s. Don`t forget to read yesterdays post while you are here!

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One Comment

  • Michael

    My home didn’t mind the LGBT community but the people at my school sure did when I was younger. It caused me to think being different was wrong and that we all need to fall in line with our sexuality. I shook off those horrible thoughts and embrace the differences of others. Everyone needs to be free to be themselves.

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