In just a few days we will bid farewell to 2019, and welcome 2020.
It is unbelievable how fast time flies, and how slow it feels like it goes during the tough times. It`s just complete opposites. The good times fly by far too quickly, while other times feel as if they will never end.
This year has left me speechless.
I wanted to take a few minutes to reflect on it. To share with you some of the things that have really impacted me this year.
Major Lessons Of 2019
A job that brought me nothing but unhappiness was not worth the money that it brought. We had to figure out how to manage life with one income, and sort of re-vamp our future goals. The job that I was working at was leaving me anxious and unhappy every single day, and it came to a point where I was feeling physically sick at the thought of going there. Leaving the security of a paycheck was an intensely scary thing, but I far more enjoy writing and working from home than the position I was in.
Self-Care is CRUCIAL. I used to think it was a nice, pleasant thing that took place when we maybe had time. But, I now am with the thinking that it is absolutely necessary. In order to take the best care of ourselves, we need to take time to reflect, and nurture our body and soul. Whether that looks like a nice hot bath, or a walk along the beach, it is different for everyone, but none the less, NECESSARY.
Believing in yourself is half the battle. You are your hardest critic. You are going to be the one that is the hardest on yourself. When you can believe in yourself, and 100% believe in yourself, then you are no longer your enemy/critic, but rather your cheer leader. Imagine how incredible you would feel if you always had someone cheering you on. You need to be that person. Be your own fan.
It`s okay to not be okay. My hospital stay taught me this. I am someone who needs to have control all the time, so being confined to a room, and unable to make decisions taught me that I deserve and need care too. It was only in the days that followed that I realised how low I had been, and how intense/scary that must have been for my husband. I`d become so used to just powering through everything that the `not okay` feeling was just my normal feeling and I lost sight of ever feeling somewhat happy.
Saying NO to toxic people is okay. Even if the toxic people are your family. Family doesn`t have a right to treat you however they want. You have a right to respectful, loving and caring relationships.
2019 was a major year for me in terms of my journey with my mental health.
I went through the process of trying 3 different medications and really struggled with it. The majority of the year I felt such exhaustion. I also had to somehow cope with the weight gain that came along with the medication, and sort of fell apart.
My size changed, my body changed, and I`m still coping and understanding that it`s okay. My triggers have changed, and sometimes lows hit me and I never even saw them coming.
Sometimes it feels like it`s felt like an endless battle. This year. But, I have to remind myself that it`s a journey. It`s a recovery journey and it`s something that I will contiously experience and live with. I think sometimes I forget that this journey is not just one about `getting better` but also one of taking control and charge of my mental well being. I think I need to remind myself that the medication isn`t a fix, but rather a way to let me still live my life.
I`m going to work on my relationship with myself in 2020. Working on acceptance, and self-love. Working on understanding my triggers, and learning new skills and strengthening the ones I already have to cope with my illness.
2020 is going to be my year. 2019 wasn`t bad. It was like a year of self-discovery and limits. I feel like I broke in 2019 and 2020 is going to be about putting myself back together. Happy New Year everyone.