I wanted to take a few minutes and write about how this lockdown has been affecting my mental health.
Flashback to a few months ago when we experienced the first lockdown. My husband was off work during this time as well. I had constant support and help. The kids were all at home, but I wasn’t ever on my own. My family (mom, dad, sister) were also on lockdown so they could be in my bubble. I saw them often. My kids were often sleeping over there and I was supported constantly. I felt very grateful.
Now to this lockdown.
My husband works very long hours. Anywhere from 7am-8pm. My kids are home from school. My family is still working, and we are not allowed to create any bubbles anyways. We are not allowed to have anyone in our houses, nor are we allowed to socialize in the outdoors. While I completely understand the need for restrictions and public health orders, I can say I am struggling with this 100%. Because the schools in our division are not technically closed, I have to find all the work myself for them. On top of that, somehow learn how to be a teacher and teach them. (Man do I appreciate teachers.) While doing that, keep my three year old quiet, because the nine year old can’t work with any noise, and make sure that Simba (cat) does not tear down the Christmas tree. While doing that, also, laundry, cleaning, meals, and that isn’t even allowing time for my blog.
I feel so lost and alone.
I am missing the days we could meet up at parks with other moms and the kids could play and we could chat. I mean, I didn’t do it often, but I didn’t know that I was going to loose that privellege. I didn’t realize that going out and seeing people whenever I felt like wasn’t always going to be possible. My days are spent in a very repetitive manner. So much so that it almost feels like I’m operating on auto pilot. Like I’m not actually here.
The thing that hits me the hardest is not being able to see my family. My family is everything to me. We were sort of like one family that lived in two houses. I’ve never been in a space where I can’t see them. It feels like torture to me.
My heart is broken for all the people whom have lost loved ones during this pandemic. And for all the ones who lost their jobs and are struggling financially. Life is unbearably hard right now. The world can feel like a big, sad, lonely space. What I’m learning though, is it’s okay to be sad. It’s okay to feel down. It’s okay to feel anything that you are feeling. Your feelings are valid and important.
I think at this time it’s important to lean into your feelings and hear what they are saying. Staying connected to friends and family in any way that you can is essential.