If stars could talk, I wonder what they would say about me. I`ve been pondering this lately. If they acted like millions of eyes, but watched over in a protective and non-judgemental way.
Would it be possible to do this though without judging, had they watched me my entire life?
I wonder if people struggling would feel any less alone, knowing that there was a whole universe out there who had their back. I wish that one could feel support and love all the time, and when they looked up at the stars, they felt it right in the depths of their heart. I`ve often wondered what the world would be like if everyone was filled with happiness, joy and love, rather than this internal war that a lot of us have been handed.
Being mental illness warriors, every single day of our lives is a fight.
It becomes easy to lose hope, and hard to find courage to keep fighting. All too often, there simply is no longer a twinkle in the sky.
Sometimes, days can go by, and the dark sky doesn`t lighten, even a shade or two. The trees whip negative thoughts all over the place, and the flowers even hang their heads in despair. It can be the hardest feeling in the world. You lose all motivation. Maybe even hope too. What I`m learning though, is that it`s okay to feel this.
Sometimes I have felt like it`s wrong to feel this.
Like I need to try and cheer up. But, this darkness that I describe to you, that`s a part of me. It lives in me, as much as the bright and colorful me does too.
We all twinkle and shine, and from time to time we lose some of the light, or maybe even our way. Lately, life has been hell for me. There has been no sparkle, and all I can see is, well basically, nothing, because it`s so dark everywhere.
I know that it`s just my mental illness reminding me that it still lurks. It looms and waits for something happy/joyous, and then it jumps out and knocks me right off of my feet.
I know it`s hard. Carrying around demons, and fighting at the same time is exhausting.
But, next time you feel like you aren`t getting anywhere, look to the stars. Look until you can see a twinkle, because I promise you, it is there. I`ve had to remind myself of this many times as well.
Sending love always, N
P.S. Don`t forget to read my post about Self-Love!