My husband and I have been together coming up to 8 years.
That includes, 3 children, 6 houses, a year of College, a lot of debt, and so much more.
We have been through HELL and back, many times over. I have sometimes wondered…. how did we do it? How have we made it this far?
But the answer is easy. We wanted to.
Every single morning, we wake up, we choose each other.
I think relationships in general require a lot of work. But, I think that for one to last, and withstand life, it requires more than just work.
When I met my husband, I was a young 22 years old. I was still very angry, and very guarded. I fought hard against letting him into my life.
He never left, and became my best friend. He was always there, no matter the time, or what he was doing. After what I had recently been through, I had a lot of trust issues.
He never rushed me into anything, and genuinely cared.
Every time I would try to push him away, he was still there. He wasn`t leaving. No matter what.
We lived together fairly quickly, and together learned how to be parents. My little boy was 18 months old and this was a completely new dynamic.
It was not a walk in the park.
We definitely did not see eye to eye on everything, as probably most couples don`t. Being so young, there was still so much I was learning and figuring out.
We went through a bad time after the birth of our daughter. What I can see now was how my mental illness was taking me and holding me under. But then, no one knew.
I was angry all the time. I really felt like I hated everyone, though I didn`t want to.
So then I would try to make myself love my family, and I would end up even more upset. It felt like I simply wasn`t capable of happiness.
When I look back in our past and remember some of the things I said to him, I am so thankful he could see past it. I was sick and I had no idea. My illness had drove me to a point where happiness did not exist for me.
I always thought that a relationship was supposed to be like a fairy-tale if it was going to last forever. Isn`t that what childhood movies taught us?
And, I never thought forever existed, so this just wasn`t going to happen for me.
What I have learned over the years is that you create your own fairy-tale, and it is going to look different for everyone.
What has held us together over the years has simply been that we want to be together.
Every single day that we wake up, we still choose each other. So when life has handed us obstacles, and boy has it handed over a lot, we have definitely disagreed on so many things, but we respect each other so much, that we can talk through it.
Growing up, of course I have matured, become more wise, and started figuring out what the important things in life actually are, but we made the choice, to not grow apart, and to keep our relationship strong.
So when I am asked, how, all I can say is, because that is what we wanted.
I think for a relationship to last, in a happy and loving way, you really need to choose each other every day. Even on the bad days. Even on the days where maybe you don`t even want to choose yourself, never mind a partner.
Every day that has passed, I have fallen more in love, and been given an opportunity to love myself as well.
My husband has always encouraged me to go after everything I want, and has always believed in me. He has always been my biggest fan, and this has given me so much courage.
Through our relationship, I have learned so much, but even so much about myself.
Everyday I become a wiser person, and because of his support, I`ve been able to come to a point in my life where I believe in me too.
There isn`t a magic secret I don`t think, for a happy and long-lasting relationship.
But, the one thing that has always brought it back to home for me, has been that we still choose each other.
My husband and I still wake up every single day, no matter what is going on, and choose each other, and I think when we started doing that, and not just thinking it was supposed to be easy, is when we connected on a completely different level.
You can never know how long our time here is, or even what life has in store for us, so don`t spend your time in relationships that don`t bring happiness to your life.
We all deserve happiness. Be with someone who sees YOU, and they can even maybe help you to see YOU too.
Love Always, N