This year is more than half over. I’m not even sure how that happened or where the time has gone. Every New Years’ Eve, I sit and make goals for the upcoming year, and this year I can honestly say I’ve really tried to keep some. Well, I guess I always try to keep them, but this year some of them really stuck, and I wanted to share a few. These self care goals have been a part of a slow, gentle transformation into the woman that I am now. See, before the pandemic, I didn’t prioritize myself.
I thought that taking time for myself was selfish. That everyone else must come before me. And my self care goals for 2022 have revolved around me. Becoming a better version of me. And making positive changes to benefit my life in a positive way.
I wanted to take control of my life instead of life controlling me. Well, life and my mental illnesses. Thanks, anxiety and bipolar disorder for always keeping me on my toes. For so long, it seemed like just when I figured out the secret to life and how to sustain mental stability, my illnesses would be triggered, and I’d be back at square one trying to figure it out once again.
Hello Self Care 2022
So, my self care goals for 2022 were centered around myself. Because I can’t show up for anyone else at my best if I’m not showing up for myself. And the same goes for you. You can’t take care of other people at your best if you’re not functioning at your best. And at the beginning of 2022, I was nowhere near functioning at my best. I struggle with my mental health so much. Intrusive thoughts flood my mind when I’m alone, and I struggle with urges to self-harm. My mind has convinced me that I’m more insignificant than a piece of dirt. That my existence is meaningless. Everything about me is nothing.
My Self Care 2022 Goals
My self care goals for 2022 were centered around changing the narrative in my head. I wanted to change the conversations I was having with myself. I wanted to start talking to myself like I was my own friend. Because at the end of the day. I’m my person.
There are a few things I did that I think are worth mentioning. First, I incorporated habit stacking. I learned the idea from Lauryn @ The Skinny Confidential. It’s a terrific way to get several positive habits in at once. For example, leg-up meditation became a key focus when I struggled with sciatic nerve pain. When I did this, I listened to a guided meditation and used an ice mask on my face. I did this every morning for roughly 12 minutes, and let me tell you, I felt great.
Meditation is a big game changer. And you don’t need to be all fancy, sit cross-legged, and zone out to an entirely different world. But, when you set your intention to just be present at the moment and feel the feels, the game shifts a little. I started developing mental strength. The strength I needed to protect myself against my own anguish.
3 Self Care Tactics That Have Changed Me
Another habit I’ve brought into my self care 2022 theme is gentle movement. The daily gentle movement has been nearly life-changing. And not because of a change in my body, because that’s not what my focus is. It’s to exercise my mind. Build strength. Expand. Grow. Be better. Be better than I was yesterday. That’s it. That was the self care 2022 theme. Take charge of my life and live it unapologetically. Without explaining everything.
The theme of my 2022 was what should have been the theme for my entire life. Look out for number one. Treat number one with respect and kindness. I started challenging the conversations in my head. When anxiety prompted me to doubt, I’d ask it why. It took some time to sit with myself and have hard conversations. Why do I feel this way? Is this my own feeling or someone else’s? Am I living my life the way I truly want? Or am I following some preset map laid out before I knew I had an option? The truth is all of the above.
So, What Changed?
For most of my life, I prioritized whatever my parents approved of. That was the right way to live life if my parents were happy with it. And, during the pandemic, we couldn’t spend as much time together. I think it was during this time that I found who I was and grew in more confident in who she was.
Unfortunately, the result of this, as is with many other peoples’ personal development journeys, I lost some people. People that were once the center of my life now have become strangers. People that I once longed to spend a ton of time with and embrace adventure and life now don’t reply to any of my messages. I’ve become a ghost. I’ve been canceled. By my own people.
Canceled By My Own People?
And that brings us back to the self care goals for 2022, right? To build me up, to learn who I am, and embrace all the parts that have been flawed my entire life. And during this journey, I asked the questions and braced for answers. But the only answer I got was silence. Silence is sometimes the loudest noise of them all.
The silence I used to hear was deafening. It was filled with impulses, intrusive thoughts, and dangerous daydreams. And while I still struggle sometimes, I definitely value the monster of silence much more than I did before. Because in the silence, there isn’t judgment. There aren’t obligations. There aren’t questions. In the silence, there is only I. And I answer to her. At the end of each day. I don’t answer to my parents anymore, and once I made the shift, the family I thought I had quickly left.
What Happens When You Start Asking Questions?
When you start asking questions, people aren’t always fond of answering. And I find peace with the fact that it’s okay. Everyone’s journey is different and important. And while I might want to know answers, those answers might be another person’s trauma or trigger. I had to step back and reevaluate. The answers aren’t always the most important part but rather an acceptance of the situation and its effects. I won’t ever get the answers, but I’ve learned to stand strong amidst the silent storm.
The New Normal
Now, it’s normal. They don’t speak to me. They won’t reply. They don’t acknowledge me. I went from having them be my first priority to being canceled. Canceled by my people. But they weren’t actually my people if they could cancel me, were they? For the rest of 2022, my goals will remain the same. Take care of me. Look out for me. Make healthy choices that will generate a positive impact on my life.
Learn to live unapologetically. And even though I may end my 2022 with fewer people in my corner than I began with, the people who are there are there for all versions of me. Even the one now. The woman I am becoming is gentle, soft, and kind. The woman I am becoming asks questions, wants to learn, wants to grow, and be a part of a positive change in this world. I don’t want to be a part of the problems. I will keep taking care of myself and embracing the parts of me that were once looked down upon. Some of those characteristics are truly what make me me.
Do you make new years goals? How have you been doing for 2022? What are you still hoping to accomplish by the end of the year? Share with me below!
Love Always, natasha