I have read a great deal of blog posts regarding the bloggers` beauty routine. It’s become one of my biggest self love goals. It`s always so wonderful and I find it so inspiring that they set aside time each and every day to follow this routine that they have created. I was inspired to write a post telling you about my beauty routine.
Who am I kidding?! I don`t have any sort of beauty routine whatsoever.
Some days I don`t even manage to get dressed, never mind commit to a routine. Some days I don`t see how I deserve to commit that time to myself. I feel so worthless and hopeless some days. My illness beats me up to the point where I lay lifeless and barely awake.
But, I think having this is wonderful. Life is so busy and can get so chaotic, it`s lovely to think of having a consistent routine that is centred all around yourself and caring for yourself.
I`ve tried many times. But it seems as soon as I set a routine, the low comes crashing in and getting out of bed is a big enough chore. Sometimes even opening my eyes at the start of the day is too much. The demons swirl, and drag me down, making sure to chain me to an anchor, never letting me go.
But the odd time, I have been able to get in 2-3 days of a beauty routine. It will usually consist of washing my face and brushing my hair, which is nothing compared to a lot of lovely bloggers, but for me it is a mountain I am climbing. When I am able to make it to the top, and I finish my little routine, I feel wonderful. It feels really wonderful to set aside time to care for myself. It is even wonderful to believe that I am worth the time.
So, while I don`t have a routine at this point, I am going to set some personal goals to help myself find that time to care for myself.
N`s Beauty Routine Goals
Take the time to wash, condition and deep condition my hair at least twice a week.
Moisturize, moisturize, moisturize
Enjoy a bath once a week WITHOUT feeling guilty for stepping away from being a mom
Wash face EVERY SINGLE NIGHT.
Wear a piece of jewlery everyday. (I love jewlery, but never find the time, and don`t put the effort in to do it.)
Day to day it`s like I`m just existing, but I`m not actually there. My mind isn`t present. It`s as if I`m going through the motions of live, without ever actually living it. On the outside, you see my body, but if you could see inside, you`d see a ghost. I`m filled with emptiness, and no amount of make-up will fill the holes.
But, what I am learning is that beauty does not necessarily need to imply make-up.
While I may not have energy to apply make-up on a regular basis, I can incorporate beauty in many other areas of my life.
So, I have gone days without caring for myself sadly. The realness of life with mental illness can be ugly. I have gone days without brushing my hair. Days without even washing it. Days without showering. My list, sadly, just goes on. When the lows hit me, my demons simply won`t allow anything. I try to be stronger, but I fail. Every… single…. time.
The very things that will help me feel better, are the very things that I can`t find the energy or motivation to do.
This is where my self love goals jump in. It`s the little things that are often neglected for me. I care for my children, even when my mental health is bad. But, as for me, I neglect myself.
I`m sure this is the reality for many. I don`t even thing that neglect is the right word to use. These beauty/self-care habits just don`t pop into my head when my mental health is suffering.
So I`m making these goals with the hopes they become a routine. My beauty routine is probably very odd compared to most, but essentially, my goal is to care for myself, and allow myself to take the time to have a routine.