This year I chose to not participate in Blogmas.
I`m going to take a few minutes and tell you why. This was not an easy choice for me. I really enjoyed Blogtober, and I learned so much. I love pushing my limits and pushing my writing further and further. Blogtober happens in October, so it`s my favourite time of year. I feel so much peace and happiness, and am filled with inspiration to be creative.
So writing happens quite naturally for me during that season. Nature gives us a gorgeous art show, so even if I have nothing on my mind, just by stepping outside I am able to create. I don`t mean to suggest that I am not inspired in December. I`m just telling you about Blogtober. It being my most favourite time of year, it`s fairly easy to become inspired.
December where I live is usually cold. Sometimes we have SO MUCH snow. Sometimes we have nothing and it`s just cold, gross, dead grass everywhere. Living in a small town, the town does decorate, and it does look nice and festive.
It`s a wonderful place to be during the holidays. So now you`re probably thinking, okay Enn, what`s the issue then?
December has brought tragedies in the past and they come back to haunt me every year.
So what is supposed to be a beautiful and joyful time of year, really isn`t for me. I try. Really hard. For my kids. But, my heart aches inside.
On December 12, 2009 I received a phone call that I could never have been prepared for.
I remember so clearly the voice on the other side asking me if I was sitting down. I knew by the tone of her voice that something was wrong, but I could never have imagined what exactly it was.
My Uncle died. But, he didn`t just die. He was doused in gasoline and lit on fire and left to be burnt to death.
By his wife.
These were the worst 2 weeks of my life. Every day that passed we received new information about the case and it just got more and more gruesome. My family and I were living a nightmare.
That Christmas, we all waited for his call. He called every December 24th and talked to everyone that was gathered at my Grandma`s. We all sat there quietly trying to understand that we would never have that call again.
On December 7th, 2011 my Grandpa lost his battle to cancer.
He had been fighting for years, and though he fought bravely and courageously, in the end, cancer won. (You can read about this over here.) My Christmas memories from childhood are very centered around his house. So gone were those moments. They would never happen again.
I did Blogmas last year.
But I found the stress to be too much. My mental health quickly declined and by Christmas Day I felt like a train wreck. So this year, I made the choice to not do Blogmas and to focus on my mental health and take care of myself.
Though this is such a beautiful time of year, it can be so difficult for many as well. I beg you to please keep that in mind. What can be a glorious time for some, can be a nightmare for others.
Having a family has made it slightly more joyous for me, but it`s still very tough. I do have a few things that I love about the holidays though. (Which you can read about over here.)My heart breaks for the ones I`ve lost, and I struggle to get the thought of my uncle dying in a fire out of my head.
So this year, I chose me.
Are you participating in Blogmas?
Love Always, N